At the time of the leak, Sam Rader told his wife he had only created an account on the site but hadn’t had an affair or met up with any users. As we learn in the series, he later admitted to multiple acts of infidelity. In the Netflix show, the duo shared how they were able to move forward as a couple following Sam’s betrayal.
The North Texas-based YouTubers have once again found themselves in the spotlight, and they say that they’ve received an influx of negative and positive comments from viewers.
“I think the backlash has not lasted as long as the support,” says Sam Rader. “The haters just kind of come in and say their little spiels, and then they go their own way, but the support seems to stick around a little bit longer.”
Christianity is a large component of the Sam And Nia brand, so when the data leaked from Ashley Madison, many of their followers questioned the sanctity of their union. The data was leaked around the time same-sex marriage was made legal in the U.S., and many questioned whether their marriage was truly sacred if one party was seeking adultery and pondered whether heterosexual marriage is really more "moral" than same-sex marriage.
Sam and Nia don’t claim their marriage is stronger or holier than anyone else’s. But they do feel that most marriages face similar problems, such as monotony and external temptation.
“I just think it boils down to selfishness,” says Nia Rader about what she believes leads others to infidelity. “For both men and women, you're concerned about yourself and your desires. And it doesn't matter what it takes to get you from here to there. That's just my own personal perception, seeing, hearing and even knowing things from our own paths and things that were parts of our story. It's just a lack of empathy and thoughtfulness.”
Since the scandal and since filming the docuseries, the couple released a book called Sam and Nia: Live in Truth: Public Scandal, Secret Vows, Restored Hearts. In the book, the two alternate chapters, explaining how each was able to move on from the scandal.
“I think that the documentary left a lot of context out of our story and leaves so much room for imagination,” says Nia. “And people are putting pieces together that don't exist. And I think that the book definitely gives the rest of the story.”
Sam credits his and Nia’s Christian faith for helping them arrive back to love. Following the scandal, both say they had to prioritize their faith in God over their marriage.
Can Love Survive an Open Door?
“We had become each other's God, basically, where we kind of had each other on a pedestal,” says Sam Rader. “When the affairs came out, and I confessed everything and shattered her world, I no longer had her support, or her love. So basically, we both had to lean on the Lord more than ever before. I think as we did that, more and more, we ended up meeting at the cross of Jesus, and that's how we got back together.”As part of Nia’s healing, she took to the Bible. When reading a passage about pestilence, she'd often replace the word “pestilence” with “divorce.”
“It was like a lightbulb moment for me, that the pestilence that was being spoken about in the Bible, for me, was this thing that I feared taking over me and ruining me and destroying my family, [which] was divorce and my marriage failing," says Nia Rader. "Through that very specific scripture, I just knew that was for me to hold on to. If we stay the course and put God first, then each other, that ‘pestilence,’ or divorce and losing everything we had, would not be a part of our story.”
This isn't the couple's first controversy. Over a decade ago, they uploaded a video of themselves lip-syncing to “Love Is an Open Door” from Disney’s Frozen. It was a fairly harmless video, but it prompted a mixed bunch of comments, both supportive and hateful. They used the momentum to build a brand to promote Christian family life and gained a sizable following.
In 2015, the couple uploaded a video in which Sam had tested Nia’s urine without her knowledge and surprised her with the news of her own pregnancy. This inspired much discourse online about whether a man has the right to know of a woman’s pregnancy before she does.
But with over a decade of putting their personal lives on display, Sam and Nia have learned to bounce back — as individuals, couples and public figures.
“Wherever you find a hate comment, you'll find a loving, encouraging comment,” says Nia Rader. “And that's the one that should be getting a response or my attention.”
