Few things smell like the '90s as much as Herbal Essences shampoo, but J's is a close second, with its aromatic blend of hashbrowns and indoors smoke. After a late night in Addison, America's shitface-drunk capital, head over (via Uber or a sober driver, please) to J's Breakfast & Burgers. This diner is extra dive-y — you'll believe us when you're greeted by a waitress smoking at a table — and is open 24 hours, with a menu befitting your simple, buzzed palate. Its bright, emerald-green seats invite you to lean into the very best of your bad, drunken decisions: carbs and cigarettes. Order a pie, find a payphone to drunk-dial your ex, and your night's complete.